There's a Depth to the World Within

I used to think I just take things harder than most because I am more sensitive. I used to think it’s so hard to find real friends because I want something deeper, more sincere, and more intimate than most people. It hurts me greatly to be misunderstood. It used to hurt me greatly when people left. 

Now I think our emotional depth and longing to be close to others is universal for all humans across the board. Unfortunately, most people don’t and can’t feel the way I do because the interference they are carrying from generations of being conditioned to bury their true desires along with their pain, keeps them from understanding what each of us really requires in order to be fully healthy, happy, fulfilled human beings.

So the reality is, I am blessed with feeling as much emotion as I do, and I am blessed with an understanding of what a real relationship should look like. And I am cursed by knowing just how much most people are hurting on the inside. So much that they can’t bear to look at it. I’ve looked at mine many times… I had to in order to feel what I feel now…

And what I feel now more than anything is FREE. I am free to be unique. I am free to speak my mind as an individual. I am free to come to you as a voice of reason guided by my longstanding relationship with God, that I was only able to establish after a long and fearsome battle over getting to know myself. 

I am also free to say that I am proud of not fitting into a society and culture that is so troubled, crippled even, by its unwillingness to observe the flaws in its own morals and values. Not professed values, but the ones displayed in its actions, both by individuals and organizations. Flaws borne from each individual’s ignorance of their own pain, left to fester. 

Where do you think modern disease comes from? A collective cloud of poor decisions so vast that you can’t see it. The one that makes someone normal if that someone is just as sick, confused, subdued, distracted, and numb as the people who have orchestrated their standard of living since before they were born. And no, I do not mean your parents, or any of your relatives. I mean the people you will never meet who cultivated the systems that have created the ill socioeconomic and psychospiritual environment we find ourselves in. I don’t mean most of them had ill intentions either - only lack of foresight. Like I said, the cloud is large. It’s old. To earn an ability to perceive its existence, let alone its depths, you would need to start by digging into your own depths. 

Most of us never will. 

I’ll be blunt with you: I am still trying to find out whether or not it’s always worth it. But for me, it was the only way. There are some, myself included, that are born without the ability to ignore it. I simply could not bury whatever that pile of garbage was that most of you carry around. It hurt too damn much. And while there is most definitely suffering on the other side, as I have suggested since the opening of this dialog, I take solace in knowing that my suffering is earnest. 

I’d rather spend my days racking my brain over how on Earth I am meant to live my life in a way where people come to acknowledge and desire my gifts of insight as a genuine healthy example of Self than spend another moment pretending I am able to function as anything else. 

I’d rather die with a bleeding heart exposed for all to see - the one I have fought so hard to know - than to retract again the next hundred times someone becomes offended by its authenticity. If I am to show others what Health really looks like, I must also accept that there are those for whom I will shine too damn brightly. 

To those folks, I say this: I hope at some point you find someone who’s heart shines in a way that attracts yours. I’ll go a little further… While this is going to make way less sense to those of you I am addressing, I don’t much care, I’ll say it anyway. I believe, with all my being, that you are destined to find that something or someone at some point that sparks your desire for more. More Freedom. More Health. More Love. More Family. More Purpose. More God. The only thing about our stories that we control, is how soon that ends up happening. Whether it be in this life or the next… Who’s to say?